Body, Interrupted

It’s worse at night, when the temperature drops. My knees ache. They really ache. Not the muscular sort of ache, nor the done-too-much-running kind. That deep-inside sort of ache. It feels like my 20something joints have been replaced with those of a very senior citizen. If I sit still for a few minutes, when I start to move again the pain, although by no means unbearable, is enough to make me slow.

My lips are permanently dry. I moisten them with Carmex – very good, even though the ill-advised yellow packaging makes it look like superglue – but the relief is only temporary.

When I wake up, my skin is always dry. Nivea Moisturiser and Garnier Face masks help, but the neck and eyebrows and right cheek keep on drying out.

The dandruff has been plain absurd. A scratch of the head results in an avalanche on the shoulder. On the upside, my hair doesn’t get dirty as there’s no sebum being produced. Nonetheless, I’ve taken extreme measures and shaved my head, leaving a BA Baracus type Mohawk down the middle for posterity’s sake. But soon enough I’ll be totally skin.

My temper is shorter. Not that it’s ever especially long, but it’s shorter than normal. Irritability is rife. My serotonin levels are, apparently, lower than they would normally be.

Whenever I go out and there is sunshine, I have to cover up with some factor 40. I smell like I’m on holiday most the time.

I’ve had one drink in over three months, and that was to celebrate Fulham’s extraordinary escape from Premier League relegation. My liver, I’m told, would pack in if I indulge in any kind of binge drinking.

The appetite comes and goes, mostly it’s fine but often I’m craving fatty crap like chocolate, crisps, and fried food. Apparently, isotretinoin – for this barrage of bodily dysfunction is all his fault – relies on fat. It absorbs itself into fat and then gets to work on fucking your body up (with a side-effect of improving the skin condition).

The thing is, I’m not fat. My body mass index is damn perfect. So perhaps, and I’m no physician, but perhaps the body is saying ‘Eat shit, Eddie. We got these annoying brown pills asking for some grease, so get with it and fill yourself up with some Minstrels, Monster Munch and a chicken pie.’

I had a freaky episode a couple of weeks into February when I woke up in the middle of the night with shivers and sweats, an aching jaw and achy joints. The blood pressure dropped, although not worryingly so, and wouldn’t go back up to normal for a couple of days. But within 12 hours of the shivers and shakes, I was feeling fine again. Not so much 24-hour flu as overnight flu.

In short, it’s still me inside the body, but the body’s been interrupted. It’s not going about its business as normal.

It’ll be back soon, hopefully, with a 7-year skin problem solved. No guarantee on that, though, and progress has been disappointingly slow so far. But when the side-effects are so overwhelming and so plentiful, they become the ‘effect’ and the actual cure takes the sideline.

The best way to rationalize this barmy 6-month episode is to tell myself I am sick and I have to tolerate the treatment to get better. Not that I’m sick sick, but there is a bug living on my face and he’s steadfastly and stubbornly refused to be killed by numerous courses of antibiotics, three courses of homeopathy and a Vitamin A-rich diet of carrots, broccoli and mango.

Three-and-a-half months in, and the skin doesn’t feel much better at all, to be frank. Still over two months to go, so I’ve got to stay optimistic. The summer is nearly here, the temperature ought to improve, and my knees might not hurt so much.

The Planets

This story made me happy. The American Association for the Advancement of Science reckons more than 50% of the stars in the Milky Way could have planetary systems similar to our own. The conclusion that rocky conditions could very well exist on these planets, apparently, means the chances of some kind of life existing beyond Earth is a greater possibility than it was a week ago.

When I was little, I was very much into the extraterrestrial thing. Whether it was watching ET at age 4 or not, I don’t know, but I always thought the idea of life on other planets was an issue of imagination rather than one of blind hope or idiotic faith (and I’ve sure read some idiotic books on the subject over the years.)

By imagination, I mean that I can’t let my imagination be so limited as to think we are the only planet in the whole vastness of space containing things that breathe, eat and shit. That seems at best narrow-minded and at worst arrogant.

So although this new study – which believes there may be hundreds of undiscovered worlds in the outer parts of our solar system – is by no means evidence, it’s exciting.

I’m keeping the imagination open and vivid. And why not? Concrete evidence may not be found in my lifetime, but if billions believe in God, why shouldn’t millions think there is life beyond our planet?

Read the article here.

Drugs, Lips, Vaseline

 

Two days ago, I started my 4-month course of Isotretinoin, a medication also known as Accutane or Roaccutane.

This drug is used in the treatment of persistent acne, although in my case it’s supposed to rid me of a 7-year problem I’ve had called folliculitis. The hair follicles in my face get infected and go all red, itchy and sore. I’ve tried five or six different courses of antibiotics, with absolutely no success whatsoever. I had to stop one of the treatments early because I was getting nasty side-effects, including waking up in the middle of the night with nausea. That’s not cool.

 I also tried two course of homeopathy at the prestigious Royal London Homeopathic Hospital. My specialist was a former GP who had turned her back on conventional medicine completely. Seeing a homeopath can be a very pleasant experience. They make you feel like they’re really listening to you, and they actually give a toss. They don’t just ask about your symptoms, but they ask you about fears, phobias, hopes, relationships, psychological history and even whether you prefer mountains or beaches. Appointments last half an hour. It felt very good and I desperately wanted the homeopaths to find me a cure, but it didn’t work out.

So I found myself back in the four walls of “conventional wisdom”, otherwise known as chemical science. Again, no success on the treatments, and so here I am, almost exactly seven years after my problem began, beginning a course of the hardcore, last resort, bazooka drug.

Isotretinoin is controversial – and rightly so. It has caused miscarriages and deformed babies, and has been strongly connected to suicides and depression. The suicide and depression bits are very rare, but they highlight just how hardcore this shit truly is. When I picked my pills up from the hospital pharmacy, the extent of the pharmacist’s advice was, “Cover yourself up if you go out in the sun, and read the leaflet enclosed.”

And read it I did. The first thing to note is the appalling bastardisation of language that this particular pharmaceutical, Beacon, and I dare say numerous others, are propagating. According to Beacon, the medication does not produce side-effects, a term that implies a connection to the medication, a byproduct of its good bits, but instead it has some ”undesirable” effects - i.e., “hey, it’s not our fault, folks – we don’t desire this to happen, so don’t even think of calling Futterman, Goldberg and Brownback ‘coz we ain’t going anywhere near a court”.

Every medication has side-effects, and we all know this. But from my research, isotretinoin produces a lot of them in a lot of patients. It was originally designed as a chemotherapy drug, for Christ’s sake. This ain’t aspirin.

Feast your eyes on this list of “undesirable effects”:

-dryness of the skin, especially lips and face 

- chapped lips, a rash, mild itching, peeling

- dryness of the throat, nosebleeds, irritated eyes

-muscle aches, pains and sore tendons, arthritic pain

-hair loss

-”some people have experienced mood changes (depression or symptoms of mental disorders) and in very rare cases thoughts of suicide, suicide and attemps of suicide” (in that order?)

Then there’s the less common list of “undesirable effects”, which include headaches, nausea, tiredness, changes in vision, liver disease, anaemia, seizes, inflammation of the pancreas, inflammation of blood vessels, diabetes, uric acid problems, greater risk of infection.

The drug packet is emblazoned with warnings that females should use 2 contraceptives whilst using isotretinoin, and take regular pregnancy tests.

Oh, and you can’t drink alcohol. That can lead to serious problems.

So why am I taking this? Because I guess I’m prepared to take the risk to get rid of a stubborn condition that just won’t go. But I can’t help feeling I’m being a bit silly.

So, in short, I’m off the bottle and on the pills for at least four months. I’ll be keeping an online, weekly diary of how it’s going. If anyone notices me getting diabetes, depression, jaundice or a chapped lip, let me know, ok?